How to Deal with Buttheads on the Internet without Getting Triggered

I’ve had a couple of friends lately who have encountered a smidge of online butthurt via third parties.

So, as a professional community manager in a previous life, I was inspired to write my best tips on what you can do to support yourself when people are projecting their shit on you.

1. Stay regulated.

They may actually be giving you a nugget of actual relevant feedback in there, but you’ll never know if you’re too busy getting triggered yourself.

2. Know your own boundaries.

Everything is black and white to people living or sitting in fear or anger. They project on you. Your best yardstick to measure ‘feedback’ against is being emotionally regulated, and KNOWING where your own boundaries are and that you’re aligning with them.

Don’t apologise for something that fits within your own moral compass, but happens to not align with another’s. It means you’re saying sorry simply for showing up and being you.. and don’t ever do that.

3. Cut off people who think it’s a good idea to ‘share the hate.’

If you’re being talked about, that doesn’t make it your business. And your friend is being toxic. Don’t pass negativity onto your friends, either. They don’t need to know, even if they tell you they do. Again.. boundaries. If YOU don’t want hate sent your way by a third party, don’t forward it onto others even if they tell you to. You’re not showing regulated behaviour or being authentic.

4. Be prepared to set boundaries with someone (regardless of where they sit in your social circles) on their poor behaviour, if they’re contributing to this.

You not establishing your own boundaries is actually you being an asshole. I’m not saying you have to call them out in a locked group, or take them out for coffee and dump your emotional load on them. I’m saying, tell them what they did to cause you to set your boundary, set it, and thank them for understanding.

5. It’s never your job to troubleshoot someone’s personal life.

Kat Abianac x

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